How My Life Changed in 2015 | 1/2

I probably should make this blog post at the very end of 2015 but I feel like.. This first half of my year has been very eventful, I could just sum it up in two halfs. So this is half No.1.

I'm just gonna split all my good and cool and horrible events in categories.. So let's get started. 

⚡ ⚡ School ⚡ ⚡ 

Oh the struggle with the place I liked to call hell. I still do. I did hate school and I am sad that I did because I know that some people ( at least in my school ) really liked and enjoyed it.. Even studying sometimes., But for me ??? I liked to think that studying has the word 'dying' in it for a reason. I was really bad at school not gonna lie. I hated my teachers, my teachers hated me and just as if it wasn't enough already.. Everyone started hating me. 

Why, you may ask. Well, I'm not quite sure myself to be honest. I think it was that I liked to speak my mind and I didn't like to talk sh*t about people ( this is a family blog I'm not gonna swear ). I think it started when I first discovered tumblr back in 2012 ( i think ). But if I'm completely honest, it all happened in 2014. I also like to call it "the year I lost all of my friends". 

I discovered tumblr and everything was fun and games until I followed so many people and laughed at so many posts.. I never really understood. My english was horrific back then ( just looking back at my old posts... yikes.. *delete* ) and so was my humor but thankfully some great people I followed reblogged stuff about homophobic people, LGBTQ+ issues, feminism and just... rudeness? I don't know. All the important things basically!!! And it got to the point where it just kind of.. clicked! It clicked in my head and I still remember the day in school when it did. All at once I couldn't laugh at the horrible jokes my ridicolous "friends" did, because all at once.. It just wasn't funny anymore. It was sexist and homophobic and rude and just.. wrong. I though to myself "wow, i actually really liked hanging out with you one day? how weird." I still don't know why I did stuff like this and why I was that kind of person but I'm glad I changed for good. 

Because of my "friend issue" I explained up there, I've always been very anxious to go to school and you know.. live my life. It started with little things like walking to school and having to walk past this kiosk next to our school where people liked to hang out and smoke ( mostly the "cool peeps" ). 

Every. Single. Day. 

It was a literal nightmare. Just walking past it and people looking at me made me hate this place so much. Not having friends really made me tear up every night and every morning when it was time to leave for hell again and again.. and again. It just got worse and worse every day until I actually made a best friend. Remember my blog post back in Febuary about "A Night To Remember" ? The two girls in the picture are still two of my best friends but one of them became my best friend. 

It started when we started talking more in school about fashion.. then Wattpad ( she's an addict ), then YouTube and then music and boys and.. fun stuff. The only thing that sucked was that she liked to ditch school a lot and she wasn't in my class so I wasn't really able to see her all the time but at least she could sweeten my anxious days a little bit ( thanks love x ). 

I'm super hella proud to announce that I survived!!! I actually graduated school and my graduation was really boring, thanks for asking. ( I filmed a "Get Ready With Me for PROM" though, so you can watch it HERE [x] if you want. ) I did have fun with my sister and my bestie tho, so it wasn't that bad.. I actually do think that school was one of the biggest things this year so.. That's that. 

July, 2015! ( blurred out my classmates faces in case they would feel uncomfortable )

So that was my school experience 2015.. Let's go on with..

☁️ Family ☁️

This is a topic I don't actually wanna talk about but I feel like i have some explaining to do and I also want people, who treated me really bad because of my "moods" and other shiz, to read this. 

In June my grandpa had a stroke in the middle of the night. He didn't feel good, he got up to drink something, he had a stroke. My grandma woke up, called the ambulance... My grandpa still went to work the day afterwards! Needless to say he had another stroke and another one and had to go to the hospital. I don't actually wanna talk about this because I'm just gonna start crying again, but I do wanna do this so.. One day the doctors said he'd be blind when he wakes up again... Another day they said his left side would be paralysed ( idk the word to be honest. He couldn't move his intire left side, basically ) and then one day they said they'd turn off the machines. No one had to tell me, I already knew when I woke up and my mum went into my room to hug me.  I really don't know why I want to share this with.. the intire internet basically but for people on tumblr/twitter/facebook or even in school who constantly asked me what's up and why I won't tell anyone what happened... That happened. So please let everyone just be when they won't tell you all the personal stuff you might really wanna know.. RIP ok, i love you! 

ENOUGH SADNESS. Let's get onto the fun stuff, like

 ☀️ ☀️ SUMMER IN THE CITY ☀️ ☀️

I was happy enough to get weekend tickets to Summer in the City 2015 in London, England!!

If i go into detail this is gonna be the longest post EVER so I won't but I will make a whole blog post about it.. STAY TUNED AND BEAR WITH ME. 

Enjoy some this fun collage I made tho!!! 

( FUN! ) 

My Future ??? 

I don't know about this point but I thought I'd just include it because it's a huge thing that happened in my life?? I got an apprenticehship in this fancy a** shoe place that pays so I actually do make money now and I stopped waisting my life away.. It's fun and I really enjoy being there ( most of the days.. when I'm not so exhausted that I feel like dying ). So uh.. yea.. 

Onto the last point...

Friends. 

As I said earlier about my best friend.. It's all super great with her and she really is the best but of course it just couldn't go well, something always has to happen and in this case.. She's moving...

To...

Feckin*. 

South. 

America. 

( *see, told ya this is a family blog. won't swear! )

Why would she do something like that to me? I cried a lot when I found out but I mean, it's a huge thing and I'm glad we got to spend the time together we had. I'm really gonna miss her but I got the cutest photo album filled with cute memories for her so I hope she'll never forget me. I know I won't. x

( ^ that's a page from the book I'm making for her. It's not quite finished but I think it looks so cool ??? ) 

So yes, I think that's it for this life update kinda-thing. I really hope you enjoyed reading this, whatever this was. 

Let's hope that 2/2 won't be as bad! 

Stay safe, kids. Byyeee *winks* 

My social media links: 

- Twitter: @sweetassugarpie. 

Youtube: youtube.com/LizMsweetassugarpie

- Tumblr: sweet-as-sugarpie.tumblr.com

- Instagram: @sweet_as_sugarpie ]

The Joy of being ill ( aka "Liz' declassified Survival Guide for Being Sick" )

Yes, well, let me start right there: there is no joy.


The last day of school before carnival vacation ( which is only one week, but I take what I get, really ), was the carnival party. I'm gonna come to those things another time, but who really knew that that day was the last day I could breathe normally.. I certainly didn't know and, oh my god, no one else could prepare me for what I had to deal with the next week.

Appareantly this illness went around all our little towns and I didn't even realised that this school carnival party made me extremely sick. With extremely sick, I mean EXTREMELY extremely sick, and no one could help me.

I had a headache, I felt like throwing up, I was so dizzy I literally couldn't move for days and I felt like an ice cube and in the next second I was on literal fire. What was my life at this point ??? I couldn't move for days, and friends I can't even tell you how bored I was.

When you're in a situation like that, what can you do ???

Well I'm glad you may ask because I've got the perfect To Do List for you. Ill version!1!! To show you that even when there is no hope, you can have at least 0.01% fun. 

Liz' declassified Survival Guide for Being Sick 

( success not guaranteed )

1. Grab a drink! Tea or juice will do but water is super important as well! Stay hydrated, kids!!

2. Get a duvet. Just wrap yourself in the duvet and lay in bed as a big sad burrito of illness.

3. Watch something! Any TV show or movie will do but i recommend any show on TLC because there is always something to watch and it just gets weirder the more you watch it. Enjoy!

4. Get a snapchat! ( literally lived my life on snapchat while i was sick because I couldn't get myself to tumblr. Twitter was too much and instagram was not enough. It was perfect. )

5. Bake some cakes in a mug ( My personal fave: What you will need ( 1 Mug cake ): 4 tablespoons flour, 3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder, 1/4 teaspoons baking powder, 4 tablespoons sugar, 1 egg ( beaten ), 3 tablespoons milk, 1 tablespoon vegetable oil, 2 caramels. What to do: 1. into a small bowl add everything but the caramel in the bowl and mix it together. 2. Pour mixture into a mug and drop the 2 caramels into the center of the mixture. 3. Microwave the mug for 1 minute and 30 seconds  ( check after 1.30 minutes and microwave if needed 30 seconds more. Tada! You're done. enjoy you caramel chocolate cake in a mug! )

6. Watch YouTube videos! ( I marathoned Tyler Oakley, Troye Sivan, Zoella, Ben J Pierce and Dan&Phil videos. )

7. Go outside for a bit. If you've got a balcony or a yard just go outside and sit there for just a bit. Bring the duvet from step 2 and just kinda.. sit. You'll feel better once you get a bit of fresh air, trust me!

8. Test your friends how pathetic and horrible you feel and let them cheer you up!

______________________________________________________________________

Those are the things I came up with but if you have any suggestions, just leave them in the comments and i'll might edit your comment in here!

Here are all my social media links: 

- Twitter: @sweetassugarpie. 

Youtube: youtube.com/LizMsweetassugarpie

- Tumblr: sweet-as-sugarpie.tumblr.com

- Instagram: @sweet_as_sugarpie ]

 I hope you feel better soon! <3 <3

Movie Review: 50 Shades of Grey

*** This blogpost might have some spoilers in it ***

Okay before you unfollow, unfriend, block, mute, whatever me: Hear me out, please: 

I've heard everything about 50 Shades of Grey. Literally everything. That it's abuse, that it's rape, that it's sexually violent and an anti-romance... and I do not agree.  I don't think any of that is true, so please hear me out. 

For the longest time  I believed everything the media told me. Everything. Every. Single. Lie.  I had multiple arguments about it with my sister where she was always like "It's not true." and  I was just like " It is, blahblah." But I didn't even know what I was talking about. At some point I finally realised that I've got now clue what I was talking about and I thought I'd do some research about it. So.. I watched the movie. 

Now, I haven't read the books ( I'm gonna if you want me to )  but I can safety say there was no sign of abuse in this movie.  

You may think  "Dude, I saw those things on tumblr.." Yea yea alright,I saw them too! ..But that was the book. Has anyone of those who hate the movie so much actually seen the movie? I don't think so. Because if so, you wouldn't hate it. You would only hate it because of other reasons but not because it's abuse or sexual harassement. 

Abuse, Rape or anything like that is hella serious and not funny at all. You shouldn't make jokes about it.. just as much as you shouldn't lie about it. 

Now, because I don't think any of you, who still hate the movie, have actually seen the movie.. Let me just tell you what actually happens:

There is this girl named Kate. She works for some sort of newpaper, i assume, and she wanted to do an interview with multi-billionaire Christian Grey. Now, Kate got ill and she asked her friend, Anastasia, who has nothing to do with the newspaper, to go to the interview for her. Because Ana is kind and always there for her friend and roommate Kate, she's going to the interview. She arrives at the Grey house and they let her in. When she gets in his office he is handsome, nice and polite in front of her. She asks like three of Kates questions because they can't get more done, because now Christian Grey wants to know a bit about Ana herself. 

Basicially he seems super interested in Ana and Ana is kinda interested too but she doesn't want to believe it, really. They then go out for a Coffee and when Ana mentioned romance he went "I can't stay, Ana. I have to set you free." Ana, who did not understand what just had happened, is now more and more confused, because even tho he said he has to set her free, he's "emailing" ( who does that ) her and sending her expensive things, like books. 

At some point they end up in his house where he got out a contract which doesn't Ana allow to talk about anything that happenes with Christian's work or something. Because she wouldn't have said anything either way, she signed it without hasitating. 

When he showed Ana his "playroom", which Ana beautifully calls "The Red Room of Pain",

she was shocked, to say the least, but she stayed and told him that she's a virgin. They went to his bedroom and he nice and politely took her virginity. Ana was happy and so was Christian. 

At some point he also showed her the contract. It was a like.. maybe 10-page contract. It basicially had all the things in it, that Christian is.. into, appareantly. She doesn't sign the contract just yet. She said she wants to think about it, he said "Take your time" and so she did. Christian waited and waited and Ana just didn't read the contract, but one night she actually did it. After that she invited herself to a "business meeting" with Christian because she had some issues with the contract. 

At the business meeting they discussed all the things Ana wasn't comfortable doing, like anal/vaginal fisting and butt plugs ( < just a few examples ). Christian, who did NOT made her do any of those things, striked out all the things she wasn't comfortable with and actually added a real date once a week to the contract. After they striked everything out, Ana left, still, without signing it. 

When they went to his "playroom" for the first time, Ana got undressed, Christian braided her hair and she just hung from the ceiling while they were making out and having sex. She also got whipped, but he asked her if it really hurt that much and she said no and that it actually felt quite nice. 

The movie wasn't about abuse at all. The only scene I didn't understand at all was the last scene after the playroom where Ana called Christian out and demanted that he punishes her ( She actually did that. She demanted it! ). She wanted it. He whipped her, with a belt, six times. Which was hard and sad to watch because Ana, naked and bend over the table, was already crying. She was also supposed to count with him to six. After he was "finished" he felt horrible and she did too. She started crying even more and said things like "Does that give you pleasure? Seeing me like this?" You could see that it didn't give him pleasure at all, he regretted it and so did she. She ran out the room, got dressed and wanted to leave. Christian wanted to apologize but Ana didn't let him. She said "No" and "Stop" and he stopped. He let her go. 

The movie ends with a cliffhanger that made my heart stop. Just like one of the first scenes Ana was in the elevator about to leave, and Christian was outside the elevator looking at her. He went "Anastasia" and she went "Christian." right before the elevator closed. 

After all she enjoyed what he was doing to her while he enjoyed what he was doing to her, as well. She never said something about not wanting it or wanting him to stop, or else. They both enjoyed it, while they we're having weird sex, and that is totally okay. 

You sure have to watch the movie yourself if you want to find out yourself, but here I am, telling you guys that it's not true. Not everything the media says is true, believe me. I hated myself after I watched the movie, because I was so possessed with my opinion that it IS abuse. Well guess what. It's not. The last scene was.. not okay. But guys, it's a movie after all. She showed him that it's not okay, he knows it now. He learned something from that. Just like you should from this blogpost. 

Now onto my actual movie review: 

After all I think the movie was pretty good. The storyline was interesting, and so was each scene. Every single scene was like a single puzzle piece to the whole plot. I really liked the actors and how they harmonized with each other. They were also naked quite a lot and the movie is +18 so do not watch it, if you're underaged! ( oops ) 

After all I'd give it 9 out of 10 stars! I really liked it. 

I hope I didn't forget anything important in this post. But if I do so and you notice it, please let me know in the comments below. Thank you very much! <3 

If you've got any kind of problem with this topic or with my blogpost, please do let me know. I would love to hear your opinions on this kinda topic. 

Here are all my social media links: 

- Twitter: @sweetassugarpie. 

- Tumblr: sweet-as-sugarpie.tumblr.com

- Youtube: youtube.com/LizMsweetassugarpie

- Instagram: @sweet_as_sugarpie

x Mental Health x

This one is quite a biggie so.. please bEAR with me..

Okay so, as you can probably already tell by the title of this blog post, I would like to talk about metal health. Not because I like talking about it, but because I find it very important and there can never be enough posts about how incredibly important mental health is. 

Disclaimer: I am NOT mentally healthy therefore I kinda know what I'm talking about.. At least in THIS case.  This is kind of important for me so please read until the end.. <3

Also just to put it out there. I wanted to make this post because I feel like this could maybe help someone, because things like that helped me. In this post I want to talk about mental disorders, mostly Depressions and any kind of Anxiety. 

I did a lot of research for this so if you want me to talk about other mental illnesses just let me know and I'm gonna do it!!

Okay so, Let's just start off with the question: 

"What are mental disorders?" 

Well.. According to Urban Dictionary it's "when somthing fucks up with the brain thingies in your head" which is pretty accurate if you ask me. It's basicially when your head makes you think of stuff that is not true..I'm the worst person to describe this.. Basicially there are many mental disorders and every single one makes you feel something different and it laso makes your actions different.

For example: Depressions

There are many different states of depression and to be honest the describtions at Urban Dictionary are pretty good so.. The many many states include, according to Urban Dictionary [X2]:

1)  Sadness, tearfulness, crying. Also, crying for no apparent reason. 

2) Hopelessness feeling that life is not worth living or worth the effort to even maintain their appearance. They may believe that a negative situation will never change and be pessimistic about their future. 

3) Less interest in activities or not enjoying previously favorite activitie. Dropping out of clubs, sports, and other activities. Nothing seems fun anymore. 

I kinda want to wrap it up here even though there are so many more states but I think it'd be too long for this post so I'm gonna leave it here. BUT I also found this one on Urban Dictionary and I think it summs its up quite good so [X3]:

"A feeling which makes you think there is no hope, no way to survive, and no point in carrying on this charade you call a life. A feeling which is so emotionaly pressing, you feel as if you're going to explode with tears." 

So if you ever felt like that or feel like that right now, please go and tell someone about it. Maybe one of your friends? If you feel like no one is "friend" enough for you to tell them maybe your parents? If you feel like your parents aren't parents enough maybe a teacher? And if you feel like a teacher would make everything worse.. Please go and see a doctor or a therapist. If you feel like that would make you a freak..No! There is no such thing as "ugh, s/he's going to the therapist.. what a freak"No! Just no. It is so strong, I can't put it in words. It makes you one of the strongest people ever, even if you don't feel like that. Please always remember that

It's so strong to reach out for help.  

It's the strongest thing anyone could do to be honest.. 

Now onto the next mental disorder, which is what I also have to suffer with, so there's probably going to be more information about it than depressions.. sorry. 

Anxiety 

There are so many states of anxiety, I don't think I'll be able to list all of them but let me just tell you about what I found about anxiety to summarize this whole disorder.. 

Anxiety, within reason, is just a part of life; everybody experiences at some point. It is connected to the fight or flight syndrome that we, as have all animals, have deep within us, enabling us to survive. 

Some sympthoms of anxiety are: 

• Feeling of losing control or going crazy.
• Heart palpitations or chest pain.
• Feeling like you're going to pass out.
• Trouble breathing or choking sensation.
• Hyperventilation.
• Hot flashes or chills.
• Trembling or shaking.

• Surge of overwhelming panic, so like.. panic attacks. 

Now panic attacks are, according to Urban Dictionary "The worst, most uncomfortable thing that could ever happen to someone. (Death comes a close second)" and I agree. [X]

They just make you feel uncomfortable and sick and they make you cry and sometimes pass out and.. they're just the worst. So I made the effort to give you a little guide on "What To Do If You Have A Panic Attack". I hope it's helpful!

According to this website [here] there are 5 steps on overcoming panic attacks.

 It's called "5 Steps of Aware"

These 5 Steps are: 

Acknowledge & Accept 

Evereything starts here: One of the most important steps, so DO NOT SKIP IT ! 

Basicially, don't think "This is not happening! This is not happening!" and try to stop it by thinking about how "this is not happening right now!" Don't think about being scared to panic. Acknowledge it and accept it. But don't acknowledge that you're in danger because you're not! Acknowledge the fact that you're afraid. The thought that you're in danger is just another sympthom of panic, so like, not an important or an useful thought, if you ask me.

Wait 

This is similar to the suggestion "count to ten before you get mad". Don't just continue or start doing something!

When you react before you have the chance to think straight, what do you do? 

Well most people just flee or struggle, which doesn't sound pretty comforting, does it? Things like that actually make it even worse. This is also what people mean when they say things like "I know I'm doing it to myself" and fact is: the harder they try, the worse it gets. So just don't. Even though you have the urge to leave this state, please don't. But don't get me wrong here. Please keep that option open so you don't feel trapped but please just stay in the situation. You don't need to run away! Let the relief come to you! 

Actions ( to make yourself more comfortable ) 

At this point you already gone throught the two most important steps to overcome panic attacks! But now here's the question: What's Your Job During an Attack? 

The answer is simple: It's not your job to overcome the panic attack! That will happen to you no matter what you do. It's gonna be over at some point. Your only job now is to see if you can make yourself more comfortable, while you wait for the attack itself to end. 

A few techniques are the "Belly Breathing", Talking to yourself, Get involved in the Present and Work with your body. Now.. Let me explain them to you! 

"Belly Breathing" is also called "diaphragmatic breathing" but like.. Belly breathing sounds better and simpler, doesn't it? Many people think it's just deep breathing, and that's basicially true but those people don't really know how to breath deeply and correclt. A good breathing techinique is super powerful and it's one very important tool to overcome panic attacks. 

Talking to yourself ( silently! ) is as simple as it sounds. Talk to yourself about what is happening right now. Don't tell yourself that it's over soon. Don't put your body under pressure. Tell yourself that this is happening right now and that you're gonna get through this because you're strong! Don't think "what if...?" Answer this fearful question with "So what? I'll get afraid and then I'll calm down again!" You can do this!! 

Get Involved in the Present. That means basicially, that people normally don't panic in the present. They panic when they imagine something bad happening to them in the future or in the past. That is why you mostly ask yourself the fearful "what if...?" question. The reason you say "what if...?" is because your fear is not actually going to happen, you just don't really know that. So get back and get involved with the present, the people, the objects around you and the place you are. I promise it will move you closer to your goal of overcoming panic attacks. 

Work with your body: Identify, and relax, the parts of your body that get most tense during a panic attack. Typicially this involves tensing and then relaxing the muscles of your jaw, neck, shoulders, back and legs. Do not allow yourself to stand rigid, muscles tensed, and holding your breath. That'll just make you feel worse! If you feel like you can't even move one muscle, just start with one finger. It will get easier! 

Repeat 

This step is here because you might start feeling better and then you feel another wave of panic. Your first reaction might be "Oh [insert favourite swear word], it didn't work!" This step is here to remind you that it's okay if that happens! Just take it from the top again. It's not unusual or dangerous. You might even have to get through seven or eight cyrcles but that's okay! Repeat the AWARE steps again and take your time! Take as long as you need! 

End

This step is here to remind you that your panic attack will end. That all panic attacks end. That they end regardless of how you respond; that it's not your job to make it go away and that your only job is to make yourself as comfortable as possible while waiting for the attack to end itself.

Maybe next time you get thoughts like "Will this ever end?" your answer is gonna be a clear "Yes! Yes, it will!" 

So these are the 5 Steps of Aware! I really really hope they kinda helped you. ( if you want I can make a completely new post about those 5 Steps of Aware, just to make it easiert for you to find them later. Please, let me know! <3 ) 

I think I'm gonna wrap it up here because this is quite a lot but let me know if I forgot something or didn't point out the most important things.. Just please let me know! 

Also, if you think you could have a mental disorder please talk to someone about it. It could help a lot, even if you don't think it would. Please just try it. Also, if you feel like you can't talk to anyone: Come and talk to me! I am never going to ignore anything, I promise. Talk to me whenever you like. All my social media links are gonna be at the very end at this post. Please trust me that you can trust me. I've been there. ( I'm still there. ) I know what I'm talking about ( kinda ) and I would love to help someone. So please don't be shy.

If you don't wanna talk to anyone of your friends or family or school or me, why don't you just talk to someone on the internet? I know this website "7 Cups of Tea" ( because I am also a helper on this website and I sometimes chat with people ). I am guaranteing you that this actually will help! Just believe in yourself! <3


Also please make sure to, no matter what you do, think about yourself first! There is no such thing as being selfish when it's about mental health. You have to think about yourself and put yourself before anything and anyone! You're the most important human! Know that. 

Be strong! Because I know you are!

Please let me know what you think of my blog post. Was it helpful? Was it informational? Did you learn something? Did you miss something important that I should totally add to this ( because if that's the case I'm going to make a part 2 ) ? Just let me know in the comments below! <3 

The 7 Cups of Tea website: http://www.7cupsoftea.com/

Here are all my social media links: 

- Twitter: @sweetassugarpie. 

Youtube: youtube.com/LizMsweetassugarpie

- Tumblr: sweet-as-sugarpie.tumblr.com

- Instagram: @sweet_as_sugarpie ]

also my Gmail: lisa.miklusch@gmail.com ( please don't forget to make sure that I know that you're from here so write something in the little subject line! <3 ) 

I'd love to help you.